LOST external hard drive

I woke up today feeling good. i had my hour phone call catching my coach up with my life during the 10 day trip to California. lots of things achieved and lots more to do. research, focus, and explore.

while doing all my errands, networking, enjoying my life, there comes the shake down at the end of the night. i realize my external hard drive is missing!!!! this is my evidence of work experience, my 3 different portfolios, my photos-memories of the past 5 years, my proof of hard work at school, my business ideas, my MUSIC!!!

this is my cleansing. i have vented, yelled, screamed, cried, texted, and sulked. now i have to move forward. a sign from buddha perhaps? a message from a higher being telling me to not let my work, past history, even music collection define who i am. all those years of happiness, sweat, blood, guts, tears, anxiety, stress, laughter, signature moments will only be a mere memory, because who has room for a hard copy anymore? rely not on technology. depend not on one thing. better yet, depend on nothing but myself. stress not on what i've done. think not of the time spent. feel not of the time wasted.

i am focusing on the new and what i will become. from this day forward, thank you sign, i will be a better person. make better choices. complicate my life less with things like the past. and truly focus on this project. this is a force i didn't want or expect but needed. i can no longer go back to applying for a company that needs a sample of my past work. i can no longer waste my energy to make better of another company that do not share my values. coming to this conclusion is hard, but i can't drag out or delay pursuing my dreams anymore.

So, thank you, thank you, thank you!

May the truth set you free

What i've learned and inspired me today is that decisions are one of the hardest things to do because the ratio of choices to one decision is ridiculous (like 1 to 5000000x743655676830375 to the power of 749465756229), exactly, ridiculous and makes no sense... example: do i want to be this person, do i want to be that type of person, who do i want to be, where do i want to go, what do i want to see, what's for dinner, do i want to love this person, do i want to leave this person, when should i make this really important move, now or later, in or out, up or down, white or navy, east or southeast, rain or fog etc...

the answers mainly come from the 'why' and the 'how'. why do i want to be with him/her, why do i want to stay/go, why do i want to do what i do, how do i get where i want to be, why do i want to eat this hamburger, how long will it take...etc

then there is the 'but' and the 'what if'. once you think you've decided, there is always the but/what if/grass is always greener scenario. this is doubt. everyone has them. some people let doubt take over their life. some people play it strong and stick with their gut instincts. others go back and forth with their initial 'decision', which then really isn't a decision at all.

then ultimately a final decision is made with all the reasons above. there is no right or wrong. there is not one way. it is contentment and long term happiness that will make you realize you made the right decision.

i don't know why i'm writing this actually. i'm not a philosopher, counselor, therapist, mother, or an educator. but i do feel that after a monumental conversation with a friend about him wanting to go back to his place of comfort, i have to write this.

COMFORT can be very deceiving. comfort food, people, places, work, etc. and it does feel really good, at least for a little bit. comfort can also come disguised as safe and happiness. what i've learn in my 20's is that comfortability never got me long term happiness. before i turned 20, i wasn't searching for happiness. i was searching to be accepted. now that i know who i am, i can continue my journey onward. of course, in my 30's i will trying to figure some other life questions out.

we all have to make decisions, whether we stick with them, listen to our gut, listen to our friends, listen to god, or watch for a sign. make sure you are completely honest with yourself, even if it means being out of your comfort place, scared, anxious, even temporarily sad. until then, we won't be able to make the best decision.

to pursue this accessory/online venture will call upon all those uncertain feeling but giving back to community will feel too good to quit. it can not fail without me trying a ridiculous (see above mathematical problem) amount of time. i didn't fall into it, someone didn't convince me, i didn't even have to convince myself. this is a CHOICE that i made and i believe that is more powerful than a decision.

power of a human

When asked why i want to do this. the obvious is money. then it's my passion. then it's my calling. then it hit me, something i've always known. and something i've always struggled with. i love learning about what makes humans human, and how do i help out another human being when i have my own issues. okay, i'm going to stop being so vague now.

Besides my mother assigning me sewing task to help meet her deadline when i was yay high and being swayed into this, i'm choosing this path to reach out to others. more so struggling countries in southeast asia. back and forth did i go from anthropology to fashion multiple times. screaming and kicking into this industry, i ended up falling in love with design, art, and a little technology. however, i could never justify to myself why i wanted to keep doing it. a little, actually a lot jaded, after being laid off one too many times the path was clear. i recognized, finally, that i'm looking for a connection with people along with my craft. and ultimately, it shouldn't be about me.

From Laos to the refugee camps in Vietnam, Cambodia, Thailand, and even Philippines, then finding America to call home, i HAVE to give back. i have to do this for my parents struggle, to family members and soldiers who died in the secret war, to my older sister who watched over me in school and had to fill the role of the doctor/teacher/lawyer, to my religion, and so much more. i've decided today that i want to encourage those who can't help themselves due to political constraints, to create good change for themselves and their community.

My ultimate goal for this project is to teach villages in developing countries to reach comfortable wealth thru education (filling in the community needs like a post office, building schools, supplying literature, building libraries, transportation, etc). Ideally, this would allow them to brainstorm issues and brainstorm plausible solution on their own with support of me (and eventually a team in America).

HOW? well, in a perfect world i would do this:

Design, cold call, store to store sales pitch, after the sale, i would source supplies in these countries, set up shop in their village, have them ship it back to USA/where ever. items would be sold like hot cakes with a conscious price points so the villages can continue to grow their business. of course, i'm aware that was just the really ReaLLy REALLY short version.

I would need major branding, an online store (as well as store fronts), and lots of support from anyone/everyone. if you think you can fit in this picture i just drew for you hit me up and i'm sure we can make something happen. i hope this makes sense, and if it doesn't, don't worry. i'm just getting started and theres lots of holes to fill. if you have concerns/questions, again, feel free to drop a line.

Today is the first day of the rest of my life...

I met a nice lady i met last week at an entrepreneur seminar. she has given me the wisdom to be confident in myself so i can make the business happen. win, lose, or fail. at this point, i see it as a win win. the work i put in will be the results that i get back. every single relationship matters and i am no longer afraid to be out of my comfort zone. and if there is fear, i know everything will be okay at the end.

It is hand made, self sourced, designed, and marketed by me, myself, and i. the choice that i made today, to be fully committed to my line of accessories and make it a full time job, to be fully convinced that why i want to do this is not a selfish reason, to be fully ready for all obstacles and embrace everything in life, to be confident in my product and myself, to allow myself to share this idea/product with others freely is the start of a new me.